Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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