the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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