I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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