Buhtt sex?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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