You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
