if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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