what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
