Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
