the condom got lost in my hair
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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