I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
