I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
