I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize