I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
