I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize