tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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