the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
