im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
