How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize