listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
false alarm. still invincible.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
