I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
