Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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