I love black thongs
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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