In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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