was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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