woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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