the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
