if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I intend to get homeless drunk
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
