You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
