I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
