I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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