So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
