I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
