he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
