If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize