Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
