I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
