I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
