you have to choose: penises or morals?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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