if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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