She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
3pm strippers are depressing
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
