No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i came on her dog
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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