The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
