I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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