ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The uberlube is also flammable
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
