I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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