K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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