Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
