any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
