Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
They took my balls.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
