the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
tell me about the eggs
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