I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
