ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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