2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He passed out mid-signature
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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