I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I supernannyed him into submission
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
