I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
