Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
