He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
