my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
