Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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