so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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