I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Last time i carry you out of a forest
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
