you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
