My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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