i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
