You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
