I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Mom said you looked used
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
