all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
