Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
When are your genitals available?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
