Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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