Duck Duck Cougar?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you win again, gameday.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
