u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
