then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize