Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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