can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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