I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
