He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
