census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
