biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
