I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Randomize