I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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