So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
