I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize