I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She even gives head with a lisp.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
