i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
