As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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