Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
