Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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