Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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