You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
In America we eat man semen.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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