He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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