I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
