The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
